I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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