I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
