At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
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