Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
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