No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Randomize