Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
