mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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