I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
