I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize