we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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