I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
