jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
