a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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