Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
