Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
