my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
