It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
