Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I would fuck him just for his dog
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
