Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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