just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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