it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
