can we get nightvision for the apartment?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
You're like the curious george of whores
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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