Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
being pregnant is like rehab
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
