I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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