Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
