My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize