I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
