Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
