Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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