just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize