On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
