i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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