It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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