a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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