The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Life is so much better after having sex.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
