He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
last night I used snow as a chaser
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
