I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
