i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
