R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
