and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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