No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
