Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
