"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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