So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
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