The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Randomize
