College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
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