This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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