cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize