I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
foreskin is a definite game changer
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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