I wish my penis had an off switch
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
