All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
