I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
