Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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