Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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