There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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