this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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