y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I can tuck mytits in my pants
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
