Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
