apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
