chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
It's rum buckets o'clock
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
