____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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