Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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