So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
