I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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