i'm signing you up for texting rehab
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize